End of treatment

Wow....I'm here at last, just short of nine months since diagnosis and in an hour I'll be leaving for my final radiotherapy which marks the end of my active Breast Cancer treatment.  It's been a long, hard journey but I've made it through thanks to my family, wonderful friends, support from a whole village and my amazing husband and two special little people who ensured I got out of bed EVERY day even at the lowest points.

Here's a summary of the last nine months......

1 core biopsy
3 mammograms
3 ultrasounds
1 chest x-Ray
2x ECG
1 heart function scan
1 metal clip insertion
2 CT scans
2 MRI's 
3x FEC chemo
3x Docetaxel chemo
About 25 self injections for bone marrow stimulation
A LOT of drugs to counteract side effects
2x breast surgery
1x lymph node surgery
20 sessions of Radiotherapy
2 hospital admissions
1 A and E visit
At least 16 blood tests
Countless oncology and surgical consultant appointments


Lots and lots of love, tears and tantrums!

Only 3 left!

Unbelievably I only have three more treatments then I'm all done.  I have a follow up in about 8 weeks, then Oncology follow up in October and surgery follow up in April 2015, then just yearly after that.  Wow, almost 9 months since diagnosis and I'm at the end, a bit battered and bruised but I got here.  They call it the end of 'active' treatment in the cancer world as I will remain on hormone treatment (once I start it.....have been putting that off!) for at least 5 years, probably 10.  That is, so long as I tolerate it with no hideous side effects (ha, you know I'm bound to get some unusual, supposedly rare side effect!).  

I have heard from a lot of people about the crisis point you hit when treatment ends. Spending so long on a conveyor belt of treatment I guess it feels almost like falling off the end when it comes to a sudden stop.  Suddenly no one is making you 'better', I use that them loosely, and you're on your own.  Also treatment is a security blanket, going to be zapped every day means I can sleep safe in the knowledge that, for now, cancer would be having a tough time trying to grow in my body.  But I now need to adapt to living happily without being gripped by fear every time I feel an ache or pain, thinking cancer has returned.  This is difficult currently as I have an ache or pain in many places daily! But I'm hoping that just the knowledge that these feelings and worries are normal will somehow help to ease the transition into life after treatment.

Many people have asked me if I view things differently and have any positive things to take away from the whole cancer 'experience'.  The short answer is yes, but I'm not sure I can qualify or quantify them yet.  My life has undoubtedly changed, for a long time I resented that inevitable change but I'm now happy to embrace life just as it is and whatever may lie ahead.  I feel lucky that modern medicine can offer me a future but I'm very aware that the future can also be snatched away in a second so we have to live as happily as we can in the present.  This is often hard to do but I feel I am learning.

14 down, 6 to go

Only a week and a day left of Radiotherapy, I'm hesitant to say it but it has actually gone quite quickly and not been too traumatic.  It took about a week to get over the feeling of 'what on earth am I doing here, lying on a bed getting fried by a machine'.  Now I just go in, make small talk with the lovely radiotherapists while they draw on me and move me into position, then they leave and I think happy thoughts and it's all over, really quick.  The getting there and back is the long boring bit that I could do without but hey ho.

I've kept up running which I think has helped to keep my energy levels up and apart from struggling a little in the mornings I don't feel any adverse effects of RT in that way yet.  The skin effects however started to set in on Thursday and, as expected are getting worse daily.  Unfortunately this is set to worsen for up to two weeks after treatment before improving.  Currently its like mild sunburn, nothing too horrific.

Adrian and I have been away this weekend testing out the new rubber dinghy before attempting to lower small children off the yacht into it!!  We have had spectacular weather.

 

I did it!

I did it....ran 5K for the first time ever.  I am very proud of myself!

It was a fun event and very emotional to see so many people running in memory of friends and family affected by Cancer and raising over £200 000 for Cancer Research.  I know so many people, including myself, who have hope for the future because of the research progressing almost daily. Twenty years ago my prognosis would be much more bleak but I am lucky enough to be benefiting from the latest advances in Radiotherapy and Hormone therapy treatment.  I am also 'lucky' to have a cancer that has been so vastly researched resulting in the production of successful, targeted drug therapies.  Hopefully in another Twenty years nobody will die from Breast Cancer, and other, rarer, cancers will be much more treatable.  I hope for a Cancer free future for my Children and my Children's Children.

Here are some photos from today, if you would like to donate to Cancer Research UK, please use this link:
www.justgiving.com/smurftastic

 My running buddy Mandy and our crazy Smurf friend, we don't know her, really ;-)

 On the home stretch with our kiddies taking a break from playing on the beach to cheer us on!

  At the end feeling mighty proud of ourselves and already making plans for the 5K in under 30 mins next year or attempting the 10K.

Race For life

'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
It's about learning to dance in the rain'

Thanks to Claire for my Fab T-shirt with these words on, I will be running tomorrow as my version of dancing in the rain.  I will be running in the Bournemouth 5K race for life (organised by cancer research UK)......yes people I am that mad!  I'm sure my Mother will have some comments to make about it which I shall hear when she comes to visit on Monday and I'm complaining about aches and pains ;-)

If you would like to sponsor me, you can do so via this link, I'm part of my friend Sarah's team 

http://www.justgiving.com/smurftastic

Neurology appointment

So today was the long awaited neurology appointment.  After testing various parts of my face with different implements the lovely doctor said he was convinced that I had a genuine neurological pain and didn't just have an aching face from being depressed.  I'm sorry but......*insert a range of choice swear words*....is that why this has taken so long and so much chasing up by me....they thought I was just depressed?!!!  The fact I have a one centimetre mass on part of my trigeminal nerve couldn't be the reason for my pain?  Anyway, let it go Jennifer!  So the story is the neurologist is quite convinced that it is a neuroma and it's not malignant.  However, the story is somewhat complicated by the fact that on the same side of my head I have small nodules on the back and inside of my ear.  I was due to have one removed analysed last December.  I had to cancel that surgery when I found out about the cancer and had to start chemo.  Because of the fact these nodules are on the same side as the nerve tumour behind my eye there is a suggestion of neurofibromitosis which is a condition you are born with.  I have no other clinical features of this but the neurologist would like to rule it our before any decisions about how to proceed are made.  So I'm booked in again with a surgeon at Salisbury hospital to have my ear operated on!!  You can't make this stuff up people!!  Surgery booked for July 1st, the day after I finish active treatment for Breast Cancer.   Ha ha ha, my life is crazy :-).  I've been mega healthy all my life, never even sniffed a hospital but I'm making up for it now.

I've had one trip to Poole today, now off to take Abi to ballet then back to Poole tonight for radiotherapy number 9 of 20....almost half way.  No horrible side effects as yet, skin holding up well and I'm combating fatigue by exercising.....more on that later.

X

RT week two

I'm starting my second week of Radiotherapy.  So far so good.  The staff at the hospital are lovely and so far appointments have run more or less on time so not a huge amount of waiting around.  I don't think I have any side effects as yet, my skin is fine, I've been applying the cream I was recommended daily.  I struggle in the morning to get up and get moving but doesn't everyone?!  The only negative aspect of Radiotherapy is the surreality (is that a real word, it should be!) of it.  Coming to terms with Cancer and what the treatment has done to me and my body is a long process. Going to hospital daily to lie on a hard bed with my arms in stirrups above my head and have X-rays blasted at me is kind of an 'in your face' reality check.  Having had a relatively long period between surgery and Radiotherapy has allowed me to start feeling myself again and this feels like a step backwards.  Its a daily mental torment, but my appointment times are all in the evening which means it is not ruining my whole day and I don't need to stress about who will have the children.  A positive slant on the whole things is I get to miss a whole month of the children's bedtimes (poor Adrian!).

Running is going well, next weekend is the Race for LIfe and I hope to run the 5K but I will see how I feel by the end of the week.

Friday is my Neurology appointment, I am grateful to finally be seeing someone who may have a clearer idea of what exactly I  have and what can be done about it.  At the same time I feel pissed off, quite frankly, at being at the start of something new just at the point I am coming to the end of treatment.  It seems a bit unfair!
 

So, I promised some holiday photos..... here they are, we had a great week and were lucky to have brilliant weather compared to most of the country.

The car all packed up to go!!!!  Literally packed to the roof and in every available space around the girls!

 Toasting marshmallows

 Morning tea at the lost gardens of Heligan, moments before Isla wet herself while crouching behind a bush playing hide and seek.....a long trek back to the car for Adrian to retrieve spare leggings!

The girls made rafts out of sticks and string

 The rope bridge...this was at the end.  Preceding this serene looking photo was Adrian and I trying to carry the bags, drinks and struggle with Isla who decided that the middle of the rope bridge (which could only take ten people at a time and so there was a long queue of people behind us) to have a mega meltdown because she wanted to take her shoes off!!!!  The bridge was swinging and it was difficult to walk across on your own without half carrying, half dragging a screaming three year old.

 Abi, very proud to have her very first mask and snorkle and determined to try it out in the sea.  She ran in with much gusto, only to scream and come straight back out again!

 Fun coastal walk, we did the same walk last year but I had Isla in the baby carrier on my back.  This year she did the whole thing herself :-)

 My gorgeous baby....butter wouldn't melt....but we know differently!

 Back in Plymouth at the boat - one evening it was just too beautiful not to take the boat out so we put the kids to bed and off we went, by the time we were back, both kids were fast asleep in their bunks!

RT number one....done

Radiotherapy....one down, 19 to go, I finish on 30th of June, I am really pleased it won't be going into July.  It was a painless and very quick experience, the majority of the time was taking measurements and lining me up.  The only discomfort was pins and needles in my hands from having my arms raised over my head the whole time.  The staff were lovely and very reassuring, I have my very own hospital robe to keep for the month!  Apparently the skin effects and the tiredness takes a couple of weeks to kick in and then peaks two weeks after finishing.  I feel exhausted tonight but that is more due to a week camping with the kids!  Talking of which, we had a lovely time, with very little rain (very lucky).  I will post some photos later this week when I unearth the camera from under the piles of laundry and camping paraphernalia that needs sorted out!