Talking to the children

Some serious discussions with Abi this evening.  So far I have been drip feeding information, both girls know I am 'poorly' and having 'strong medicine' to make me better and that is what has made me lose my hair.  Incidentally, both of them are totally fine and accepting that I have no hair and Isla is finding my 'spiky' bits amusing now it's growing a bit!  Tonight's conversation came about because one of the girls in Abi's swimming class on Tuesday had asked her what had happened to her Mummy and Abi didn't know what to say.  I realised it was because I had taken my hat off at the pool as I was overheating, it will have been the first time the little girl had seen that I was bald so she was obviously taken aback.  I don't think Abi can have realised what she meant as Abi is so used to me being bald now.  So, we had a chat about how she can explain to people that medicine to make me better made my hair fall out but it will grow back.  At the same time I decided to drip feed in some more info, we've tentatively talked about surgery which made her very upset so I've not brought it up again but she mentioned it so I went with it.  She asked what they would do......difficult question as I don't know myself yet!  I explained how I would be asleep so it wouldn't hurt and that they would either cut a part of my boob or all of it away and there would be a scar.......'oooooh, like Natalie's chin but bigger' was her response (a friend of hers who fell and needed stitches in her chin!).  I think it's good for her to be prepared for what it might look like (she'll probably deal better with it than me!) Abi is quite gleeful at the prospect if a 'fake' boobie, much more so than me!  I decided to briefly mention radiotherapy and also the possibility of further surgery in the future to build me a new boob.....she was quite amused by this when I said it could come from my stomach.....all sorts of ideas about where my belly button might end up!!!  All in all she seems ok with it all and I have definitely found that talking about it little bits at a time has been the best way, each time building in a little more detail.

Being able to share experiences of dealing with young children through this is one of the reasons groups like the Younger Women's Breast Cancer network, a facebook group, and Shine Cancer Support are so invaluable.  You don't come into contact with many younger people during treatment as it really is predominantly people in their 60's plus in oncology.  I talked in my last post about the Shine event I'm attending next weekend, I'm really looking forward to it, just sharing experiences with others at a different point in their journey is so valuable.

So, I'm almost a week past chemo #5 and I'm still doing much better than last time.   The bone marrow injections are a pain in more ways than one, they cause pain but I think they also make me more tired.  Unfortunately I have to take them for 7 days not just 5 on the Docetaxel as it is more potent on the blood cells, although I did cheat and miss the last to last cycles I just felt so awful.  I'm reluctant to risk it this time though as I don't want any delay to final chemo so to pick up an infection at this stage would be awful.  I still seem to be immune to sleeping tablets, even when upping the
dose, plus twice now I have had a weird reaction after taking them....excruciating, ripping pain in my sternum and ribs for about an hour!  I'm going to try spacing my evening meds out a bit and see if that helps, rather than taking them immediately before bed.  It's all a case of trial and error and you just don't know what knock on effect everything has.

I think I am getting much better at knowing when I need to rest and when I have the energy for a walk.  One of the things I have gained on this journey, listening to my body and what it needs and learning to do 'nothing', although I still don't like it!