All go for tomorrow......I can't explain the mix of emotions, its all a bit surreal and conflicted.
I'm absolutely relieved to have got here finally, and unbelievably happy to only have to go through the poisoning and results of poisoning one final time....I can face anything if it's the last time! I can't quite comprehend that life will soon no longer be lived on a three week cycle. I feel like I have lived this way for far longer than I actually have. As a result, I am almost apprehensive of a non-cyclical life! I have anxiety over what comes next, I've not really spent much time about it, I've just been consumed by the cyclical life of chemo and making it through the next week/day/hour/minute. I know that physically I am over the worst but psychologically there's probably still a battle ahead. Overall though my strongest emotion just now is relief and excitement. In a couple more months I might feel some resemblance of 'normal' and hopefully be able to taste things properly again, chocolate may no longer taste disgusting - now that is exciting!
I don't know exactly what challenges are still to come, but this part is ending and I am happy to say goodbye to evil chemo. Chemo - I hope you have saved my life and I thank you for that but I would not like to meet, or think about you every again.
My lovely eye mass/lump/thing is no further forward, the Oncology MDT (multidisciplinary team) decided that probably another MRI is needed, this time with contrast.....they couldn't get the contrast in last time because they couldn't get a good vein for the cannula. But they have referred me to the Neurology department and they were going to discuss the case at their MDT meeting yesterday, so apparently I will hear something next week. I could do without this little side detour! Despite the doctors view to the contrary, I am sure this must have something to do with the nerve pain I have, I can't see how it can just be a coincidence, but we'll see.
So that's the update, my mind is all over the place but I am mostly feeling positive and happy to move on to the next stage of this merry little adventure!!!
See you on the other side of chemo #6
We hope that the enforced delay has made you much stronger and that you sale through the next few days with less discomfort. Look foreward to spring.
ReplyDeleteTime does seem to have passed and you are now having your final dose of chemo (that double edged sword)
ReplyDeleteThe next stage may have more psychological impact but, no doubt, you will get through it. The 'feeling well' Jen is not too far away, she will be with you soon.
Then we can get back on the lake for some happy, if unprofessional/ unstylish sailing
xx
Jen the big hurdle is nearly over, lots more hurdles, but as you can see you can get over each hurdle. Looking forward to being on the lake with you.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck