Unbelievably I only have three more treatments then I'm all done. I have a follow up in about 8 weeks, then Oncology follow up in October and surgery follow up in April 2015, then just yearly after that. Wow, almost 9 months since diagnosis and I'm at the end, a bit battered and bruised but I got here. They call it the end of 'active' treatment in the cancer world as I will remain on hormone treatment (once I start it.....have been putting that off!) for at least 5 years, probably 10. That is, so long as I tolerate it with no hideous side effects (ha, you know I'm bound to get some unusual, supposedly rare side effect!).
I have heard from a lot of people about the crisis point you hit when treatment ends. Spending so long on a conveyor belt of treatment I guess it feels almost like falling off the end when it comes to a sudden stop. Suddenly no one is making you 'better', I use that them loosely, and you're on your own. Also treatment is a security blanket, going to be zapped every day means I can sleep safe in the knowledge that, for now, cancer would be having a tough time trying to grow in my body. But I now need to adapt to living happily without being gripped by fear every time I feel an ache or pain, thinking cancer has returned. This is difficult currently as I have an ache or pain in many places daily! But I'm hoping that just the knowledge that these feelings and worries are normal will somehow help to ease the transition into life after treatment.
Many people have asked me if I view things differently and have any positive things to take away from the whole cancer 'experience'. The short answer is yes, but I'm not sure I can qualify or quantify them yet. My life has undoubtedly changed, for a long time I resented that inevitable change but I'm now happy to embrace life just as it is and whatever may lie ahead. I feel lucky that modern medicine can offer me a future but I'm very aware that the future can also be snatched away in a second so we have to live as happily as we can in the present. This is often hard to do but I feel I am learning.
It will be very strange to start with - trying to get back to normality whatever that is. The elephant will shrink till you hardly notice it but s/he will always be there. That's why it's so important to make the most of each day - we owe it to all those people who aren't as lucky as we have been and had the benefit of timely intervention by modern medicine .
ReplyDeleteHad a fantastic sail today - completely happy - how lucky am I to be able to do that. Wishing you many happy days like I've had today. Hope to see you at the lake very soon or Heather, you and I could take the Wayfarer around Poole!
I can imagine that it will feel like a very abrupt stop and, absolutely, that you will feel paranoid at every little thing. It will just have to be a passage of time again before you start to regain yourself.
ReplyDeleteIrene is very wise, and I'm sure the elephant will shrink to a tiny thing that gathers dust.
Your new future awaits and it will be full of lovely sailing moments, expeditions on Black Pearl, failing miserably (but happily) in the races at Spinnaker. Possibly a few swims in the lake. Many happy times with your beautiful family.
More Love Tears and Tantrums which are all part of life....bring it on....
Hugs etc
xxx
Thinking of you and the last session of the radiotherapy. We all look forward to enjoyable times ahead. Graham Susan and all the family
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