Three weeks ago today.....

Wow, can it only be three weeks?! Three weeks since my little world shifted slightly.  It seems like a much longer time span but t the same time is no time at all.  Certainly, I think it will take longer to fully accept the situation, this is a gradual process, happening a little each day but really trying to focus on short rather than longer term situations/ decisions / concerns makes it all more manageable.

I have been told repeatedly over the last few weeks how strong and brave I am, even inspirational.  Really, I am none of these things.  When something monumental happens to change your life you cope the best way you can, there is no choice.  The fact is this is a blip in my life, not the end of it (I hope!). It may change things slightly for the future but I fully intend to return to my normal life as quickly as possible.  I am helped in this path by two little girls who are both ignorant and innocent of all that is going on (thankfully), they don't see me as brave or strong or ill or tired, just Mummy, and they need me to contine to be that role.  I am thankfully that the daily tears and tantrums from my little drama queens, whilst exhausting (especially for poor Adrian who has to pick up the strain!) keep the normality of my life.  Of course there is the love and laughter that goes hand in hand with the tears and tantrums and that helps too :-)

If I inspire anyone to do anything I wish it would be to do all you want to do, be all you want to be, love everyone you want to love.  Coping with bad situations in life is not hard when you don't have a choice.  The hard things in life are deciding to push yourself to be who you want to be, step outside your comfort zone, don't put big things off for later, live life now.  I'm not saying this because I have cancer, this is what I really was doing, I am very happy in my little life.  We took a leap in the dark and bought a boat, three weeks ago too as it turns out, it had been our dream for a long time.  I can't wait for our first adventure, which is the only thing in my life that has been disrupted by all this, but hopefully not for long.

So, there you have it, my middle of the night ramblings, I'll blame the steroids which I should come off tomorrow.  I might then get more sleep and spare you the jumpled thoughts of my chemically enhanced brain!