I am still very much wiped out after Docetaxel one, fainted in the co-op this morning which was humiliating! Low blood pressure and probably low blood count to blame. Also have ongoing pain in eye, ear, scull and cheek on one side - my GP thinks it's probably trigeminal neuralgia due to nerve inflammation from the chemo. So, I am starting 2014 on yet another drug!!! Fingers crossed it works as the pain is relentless and stopping me from sleeping.
The type of fatigue with chemo is like nothing else, you think you know what it's like to be tired, having two small children. Long gone are they days of long lie ins and undisturbed sleep. But chemo fatigue is something else. I have lost all strength, pulling my shoes on or opening a bottle is a struggle. Hopefully I will pick up again towards the end of this week (I better do as I'm due to be working next week - yikes!). I just have to plod through this, getting out and seeing people/talking to people definitely helps, providing distraction.
The end of 2013 has obviously been a challenge but it has not been a bad year and I certainly wouldn't want to write it off. We have had some lovely family holidays and trips with friends, been to a beautiful wedding, welcomed friends new babies into the world....it's been full of life, love and laughter. It's too easy to focus on the negative things sometimes and forget all the wonderful things in your life, I am determined not to let that happen through this journey even though it is hard at times to see a point in time when I will be fully able to love my life again. So I don't want to say goodbye and good riddance to 2013 as it has too many wonderful memories - the pinnacle of which has to be our lovely little boat - a dream for so long and through chance, good luck and timing it was all meant to be. As a family we are planning ahead and looking forward to lots of trips on Black Pearl this summer. We have lots to look forward to and I can't wait. So, bring on 2014, you are going to test my strength for a bit longer but I hope that 2014 will be a year of health and happiness for all friends, family and strangers who have given me strength throughout this journey and I know will continue to do so.
Happy New Year to you all
(BIG HUGS)
PS. Happy Birthday to my little tantrum monster - Adrian had some notion that she was going to wake up this morning as a big 3 year old and the 'terrible two's' would be behind us!!! Ha ha ha, how wrong he was :-) Blog still justified in it's title of love tears and tantrums!!! :-)
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ReplyDeleteYou are doing so well. Total exhaustion must feel crippling, as indeed it is whilst you have it, your body is demanding rest, it can't try to keep going, deal with chemo, be a Mum etc etc all at the same time. This may be just as bad as the nausea but in a different way.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that today is a day, tomorrow will be another day, they will still keep coming and going no matter how you feel. Eventually the day will come when you can wave goodbye to the chemo, then say hello to the surgery (and then goodbye to the surgery), then one day this will all be behind you and will disappear into The Past.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, force those eyelids open, get some special juice in you, do some ankle twirls. Your day of wellness will come, I promise you xx