An amazing, emotional, exhausting but exhilarating weekend

I spent last weekend in a lovely hotel in Bournemouth as part of 'Shine Cancer Support Great Escape', a residential weekend for young adults with a Cancer diagnosis.  We talked, laughed, cried, covered serious issues and shared our common experiences.  Most of all I met a lovely group of people and felt a little less lonely in this whole cancer experience.  At the end of the weekend we did our sponsored  walk....I did it!!  I never imagined I would be so pleased to be able to walk 5km!  I have to admit the last little bit I was struggling but I did it :-)  I am delighted to have raised £620 for Shine, particularly as this money will go directly towards putting on a similar weekend again for other young adults with cancer.  Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who sponsored me.  

I have realised how much we take our physical fitness for granted.  It's quite a shock to have a body that won't quite function as you are used to.  I never thought I would miss running so much.  I really can't wait for the day I can just go out for a run.  So, if I can inspire you to do something (I am constantly being told I'm inspirational, but don't quite know what I'm inspiring people to do, so have decided to explicitly 'inspire' whenever I can!)........ go and make use of your amazing body, and keep it in good working order.  Go for run, a walk, a swim, a cycle, whatever you enjoy, just move and appreciate the opportunity to do it and feel fit and healthy :-)

I ran my classes on Monday and Tuesday and enjoyed them all but two full days and the weekend has left me exhausted so I am trying to rest today.  I also have a horrible cold; sinusitis and a cough, which I thought I was shaking off but seems to have come back with a vengeance.  I know, I know, don't tell me - I need to rest more, I am trying!

So, it's pre-chemo 6 tomorrow....I can't quite believe it!  It seems like a very long time, but I've made it here....the end of the beginning as I like to call it.  Unfortunately it's not the end of the end but I hope it's the worst bit over.  I have surgery provisionally booked for the 14 th March.  Following recovery from that I will most likely be having at least three weeks of radiotherapy.  I didn't realise at first but radiotherapy is EVERY day!!!  Every day (not weekends) for three weeks is going to be monotonous!  But, anythings better than Chemo!

Talking to the friends I made this last weekend, most of whom had completed all active treatment, I realised, or more accurately, confirmed, that the end of treatment is when you actually process all that has happened.  I had acknowledged this fact quite early on and tried to deal with things by throwing myself into research about surgical options, prognosis, survival and recurrence statistics etc.  However, by the end of cycle two ALL I could think of was getting through the hell of Chemo.  I have just survived the best I could, trying to be 'normal' whenever I could and on the bad days I've just been in a brain fog.  I've really not had much chance to think or process the idea of surgery and its not that long off.  Having never had surgery before, I'm a little apprehensive, but again, I just think anything is better than Chemo (I may have had my adenoids removed at a very young age but as my Mother can't remember, I certainly don't!  And, as my close friends know, my autobiographical memory is limited at best and often non existent!).  Whatever surgery I have, it's a pretty straightforward and quick procedure as I won't be having any kind of reconstruction immediately since I have to have Radiotherapy.  So, it shouldn't be a big deal medically, unless I have any complications......lets hope since I've been relatively unlucky with chemo effects, I'll get off lightly with surgery!

I'll stop rambling on for now. I'll update tomorrow after pre-chemo, I hope my bloods will be ok for Friday, I know I'm anaemic but unless my blood count is VERY low they will go ahead.  I feel a bit torn as I am not keen on having chemo on top of this cold but at the same time if it was delayed I would e disappointed as it feels like such a milestone having the last one!  I will certainly be quietly celebrating while sitting in the chemo chair.  Give me a few weeks and I can actually celebrate with a glass of wine or two!